SALAM LEBARAN...

From admin of Tales of An Asian Lady.... wishing you Salam Lebaran.. Minal Aidil Wal Faizin..
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.. Maaf Zahir & Batin.. Semoga kedatangan Syawal ini membawa barakah kepada semua...

Kepada yang memandu, safe journey~~

Love,
abVisible & Eleanur

Setahun Berlalu…..

Today, 1^st August… genap setahun arwah abah pergi.. I still remember those morning, how chill is the weather. Masih boleh terdengar tangisan mak. Masih terngiang-ngiang perbualan dengan 999 dan paramedic pagi tu… I won’t forget.. ever…  raya ni tahun kedua tanpa abah.. mak nampak sedih puasa ni.. Mak sedih abah takde..  sedih dia tak dapat puasa kat kampong, takde orang teman.. we can’t let her alone, she fall sick twice this year. Alone in our homey in hometown...

Macam mana pon, abah tetap pergi. Tapi takkan pernah luput dari hati dan ingatan kami semua, anak-anak dan mak. Semoga roh abah tenang. Kami takkan sesekali lupa nak kirimkan doa dan Al-Fatihah untuk abah.

 

 Al-Fatihah..

Lost…

Ok.. few entry will bring unpleasant feelings but I ought to share it.. I must let it go from my heart.. I cant keep it anymore, it is killing me..

Today, 50 days went by since u left us… u left mum trembling through her heart.. facing her day without u.. u left us without a word.. u left the kids wondering whereabouts u.. it is something we knew by heart that u will be leaving us.. the day 11^th July 2012 when I took u from the hospital, I knew it. By all mean the doctor had the word with me. And I am the one who signed the letter.. release letter from the hospital… we bring to homey.. and after 20 days, u left us.

I will always remember that morning, Wednesday 1^st August 2012.. it is fasting month.. as usual on 430am, me, mum, sis and our new maid, it is her 7^th day staying with us to help mum with the housechores, wakes up for sahur. It is normal for u to not sleeping at night, we heard u saying something, when I drop in your room, u just looked at me without word. U remember I didn’t go to work on Monday.. I fall sick throughout fasting month. But on Monday I didn’t really sick u know.. it is just me feels like wanna sit around, at home. It is a feeling that I need to spend sometimes with u. 2 days after that, in the cold morning, u left us. I still can hear mum urge me from my sleep, heard her screaming when the paramedic confirming that u are gone.. and I had to be strong.. stronger than everyone else coz I know I need to.

Despite of everything… I am thankful and relief that u go in ease.. and u are not suffering anymore. I can’t bear to see u lying and full of pain. How u use to be strong and there u are, cant even raised your hand. Alhamdulillah… that day everything went out smooth. Praise to Allah. Thanks to everyone. Family, neighbors, villagers. Thanks to myBoo for being with me through it. Thank u dear.. it mean a lot to me and family.

I admit that I still crying at night now. I still can smell u in the house. I still can feels like u were the in the room, watching me. I can hear u asking me ‘adikk balik sorg?’ (am I coming back hometown alone), the normal 1^st question u will ask me when I get home.. I know u don’t. It is only my feelings. I thought I can always be strong like how I face it when u was away for about 10 years. But that’s different rite… at least that time around, we occasionally visits u. I knew u there, alive, talking to us. It is totally different now.

We had gone through this Syawal without u. we don’t take family photo as usual. We don’t take any photo at all. Mum is the most affected person. Of course. U are her everything. And she’s with u for the past 45 years. Through the dark.. through the brightest day.. we will get through all incoming days without u, at presence but we keep u in our heart. May your soul rest in peace Abah. We will visit u whenever we goes back to hometown. We will take a very good care of mum. We loves u…

Al-Fatihah for my late father, Abas bin Haji Mashor…

Ice Breaker

Months has passed since my last serious entry… due to some circumstances I was deserting my blog….

As per previous entry, I had left out from my job.. thank God I found new one as soon as the olds company shut down. God is helping me, especially in financial ways.. I’m really thankful for that.. or is that cause of I’m preparing for my wedding (yeah I talk bout it but never had anything confirmed yet.. nothing… and I am really depressed..).. people said God will make your life easier when u desired for a good thing.. what I really hope now; I hope there is a good thing.. that is what I wanted for this whole years.. and eventually it breaks my heart.. I hope someone understand my feelings… all this.. I’m not trying to push, but it is only me who hoping…. Is it only me to changed and I did and I never ever stop to be how u want me to be.. nothing to be proud eh…

Hurmm… how I wanted to wrote about my life path, what has happened to me lately.. but I really feels like a sucks… I can smile, I can laugh and I still can make people laugh.. but I felt empty inside me.. I know it is time for me to do something with myself..

How I Become Me?..... – Part #2

Continuous from post How I Become Me?..... – Part #1, here I am rambling about Part #2.

My journey after graduate to working life isn’t as much as I expected I should turn to be. I always wanted to be a doctor… or at least I want to work in that industry. But I also realized that I have to be realistic, life isn’t all about what we want or how we draft it should be. It’s how u manage to make yourself success and comfortable in your very own ways. So I let it go… I let the dreams go but I still have the courage in my heart. Yes, the courage of helping out people. That’s the reason of why I wanted to be a doctor, helping people. There is much to do if we really keen on that, so many way to do it.

My journey started six month after graduation. I’m working as admin clerk, receptionist at one of software’s provider company. There was two months contract. After contract ended, I move on into new field, totally different from what I learn during college or university, but I enjoy it. Simply becoz I love math. I love numbers. At first it was like I’m trying to fill myself with some new experience but at last I really fall in love with it. I learn a lot. Starting from scratch makes me stronger, mentally and physically. I left the company after two years, move to another company. That time I was looking for something new, fresh, and ofcoz good salary. But I move again after eight months. These time really a big mistake. I hate to say it as mistakes coz still for me it is good thing learn even it lasted less than four months. And I was hoping I found something I could settle to.

Now four years has gone since I stand on the stage, receiving my scroll with proud. Here I am, going to eight month working here. At first thing goes well. As usual I only mind my business. Not that I don’t know how to makes friend but I did try, it just seems like I’m not welcome here. I’m holding on tightly but again, I’m floating in the sea of uncertainties. I have to be strong for many reasons. And I know I’m strong enough to face this. If before this the pressure is come from work load, now it comes from human … I can take pressure. Pressure makes me stress, yes it is. But in good way it makes adrenaline move, heart beats twice faster and much important I like it when the result comes out good. Now I really can’t understand how human affected my work. Keep thinking, why this happened to me? Why me? Why this why that… but I take it positive. It’s a change. A new ways of me to find another road to new experience, it is education, knowledge. It’s all about it. Learning curve while I’m living in it. I love to say and will keep saying this ‘things will get better’… InsyaAllah…

Till then~

How I Become Me?..... – Part #1

Hiyaaaaaaaa…. We meet again! Guess that I don’t have much in hands before ‘transition week’ next week (*sigh… I hate it)… so I’ll post something bout me.. hehe… don’t throw up! It’s my blog, I punya suka la.. hahaha…

p/s: Apple, u asked for this updates rite!

Story begin two decades ago…………………….. (ok.. two and half decades precisely)

I was born in a small village, far far away from big city of Kuala Lumpur. That time, hearing about KL can make everyone drooling… it’s such an honor if u ever step your feet there (not for rich people folks!) I remember how we play with escalator at Subang International Airport when my sis fly to overseas to continue study (first time we saw how stairs can move by itself.. LOL) so jakun… at that time I wish I could board on the flight just like my sis in future… yes, that’s a dream and hope of a three years old about her future.

My childhood time was the best! Even we are poor, but we are happy. Like all villager, my parents did all they could to earn a living… go to paddy field with other villagers when the harvest seasons in nearing, harvesting palm oil… work at sugar cane fields (only at the back of our house).. Even my housing area is fully planted with various plants like chilies, tapioca, banana trees, mango, coconut and along the small river at the back is planted with yam (always full of fish.. puyu, sepat, haruan). Everyweek they will go to pasar sehari to sell kuih muih and pecal (java food based of vegetables with peanuts sauce). But that’s only for awhile, my mum work at school canteen after that. Everyday in evening she’ll prepare currypuff, pulut panggang, sometimes kuih pau to sell at canteen following day. She’ll wake up at early morning to fry currypuff, and prepare to go to work. I was standard two that time. It’s a memory for me… a memory for the whole family. Our life begins to change when my sisters and brother started work. They completed their higher education. I live and schooled at my hometown just like my other siblings. Strive by their success, after secondary school, I move on to college. Far away from family, alone (not as I wish but it did teach me a lot about life). It’s sad to leave my mum alone at home. But I know if I didn’t do it, my life wouldn’t change. And it’s the best for me to tackle the ability of me live independent (yelah tu…..) after college I went to university… here I met Apple and Orange… and I met myBoo (just watch him for three full year without even bother to talk or say HI!.. owh… once only coz of assignment we did together) it is a bitter sweet memories along the journey of four years as student. Throughout the path, I had all the love from everyone around me… (my family and friends ya…) and…………………… that’s the beginning of me become what I am now..

Sentimental a bit….. hehe… next I will tell bout……. Err…. Just wait for How I Become Me – Part #2 la…. Hahaha…… Till then~~

Illustration of my hometown house two decades ago...