Yesterday is a busy day for me… no lunch as well.. trying to meet the deadline make me rush in validating. Blaming myself for taking half a day just to check on one country.. but I had too. And it cause headache, frankly since morning till now it is still there.. I dunno how to make it ease (except panadol) but I made it! I meet the deadline. Haha.. right after, I rush for a meeting with fellow colleague and client.
Then only I laugh to myself when I come across this email from myBoo. He’s mocking me since last Raya. I didn’t know the exact ways to prepare nasi minyak. But he always had it on Raya while me and family never allowed nasi prepared on that day. But for my fiancée, yeah we did prepare… I did actually. I just dump in all the appropriate spices. Hehehe… but it turns out quite well. Just not as yellowish as normally. There myBoo mocking me (*sigh).
Here I share the email…
Resepi nasi minyak (*smile)
Beras Basmathi yang hidup Minyak Sapi QBB bkn lembu QBB Minyak Masak yg kena masak dulu kalau tak MASAK kau!!!! Air Halia bkn utk buang angin Bawang Kecil bkn besar punyeee!!!! Bawang Putih kaler putih Daun Pandan Jauh ke Tengah Bunga Lawang Bunga Cengkih bkn utk buat rokok daun Buah Pelaga Kulit Kayu Manis yg tak manis pun Tairu (Air Limau + Susu Cair) bkn utk mabuk2 Garam Kasar Air Mawar utk masak bkn utk orang mati Hampas Halia bkn HAMPEHHH!!! Air
Somehow it manages to get me laugh during the meeting. LOL!
p/s: the recipe above is accurate and exactly the ingredient to make nasi minyak but myBoo’s friend trying to make it out as a joke.. I should try it at home..
Ok.. few entry will bring unpleasant feelings but I ought to share it.. I must let it go from my heart.. I cant keep it anymore, it is killing me..
Today, 50 days went by since u left us… u left mum trembling through her heart.. facing her day without u.. u left us without a word.. u left the kids wondering whereabouts u.. it is something we knew by heart that u will be leaving us.. the day 11th July 2012 when I took u from the hospital, I knew it. By all mean the doctor had the word with me. And I am the one who signed the letter.. release letter from the hospital… we bring to homey.. and after 20 days, u left us.
I will always remember that morning, Wednesday 1st August 2012.. it is fasting month.. as usual on 430am, me, mum, sis and our new maid, it is her 7th day staying with us to help mum with the housechores, wakes up for sahur. It is normal for u to not sleeping at night, we heard u saying something, when I drop in your room, u just looked at me without word. U remember I didn’t go to work on Monday.. I fall sick throughout fasting month. But on Monday I didn’t really sick u know.. it is just me feels like wanna sit around, at home. It is a feeling that I need to spend sometimes with u. 2 days after that, in the cold morning, u left us. I still can hear mum urge me from my sleep, heard her screaming when the paramedic confirming that u are gone.. and I had to be strong.. stronger than everyone else coz I know I need to.
Despite of everything… I am thankful and relief that u go in ease.. and u are not suffering anymore. I can’t bear to see u lying and full of pain. How u use to be strong and there u are, cant even raised your hand. Alhamdulillah… that day everything went out smooth. Praise to Allah. Thanks to everyone. Family, neighbors, villagers. Thanks to myBoo for being with me through it. Thank u dear.. it mean a lot to me and family.
I admit that I still crying at night now. I still can smell u in the house. I still can feels like u were the in the room, watching me. I can hear u asking me ‘adikk balik sorg?’ (am I coming back hometown alone), the normal 1st question u will ask me when I get home.. I know u don’t. It is only my feelings. I thought I can always be strong like how I face it when u was away for about 10 years. But that’s different rite… at least that time around, we occasionally visits u. I knew u there, alive, talking to us. It is totally different now.
We had gone through this Syawal without u. we don’t take family photo as usual. We don’t take any photo at all. Mum is the most affected person. Of course. U are her everything. And she’s with u for the past 45 years. Through the dark.. through the brightest day.. we will get through all incoming days without u, at presence but we keep u in our heart. May your soul rest in peace Abah. We will visit u whenever we goes back to hometown. We will take a very good care of mum. We loves u…
Al-Fatihah for my late father, Abas bin Haji Mashor…
Months has passed since my last serious entry… due to some circumstances I was deserting my blog….
As per previous entry, I had left out from my job.. thank God I found new one as soon as the olds company shut down. God is helping me, especially in financial ways.. I’m really thankful for that.. or is that cause of I’m preparing for my wedding (yeah I talk bout it but never had anything confirmed yet.. nothing… and I am really depressed..).. people said God will make your life easier when u desired for a good thing.. what I really hope now; I hope there is a good thing.. that is what I wanted for this whole years.. and eventually it breaks my heart.. I hope someone understand my feelings… all this.. I’m not trying to push, but it is only me who hoping…. Is it only me to changed and I did and I never ever stop to be how u want me to be.. nothing to be proud eh…
Hurmm… how I wanted to wrote about my life path, what has happened to me lately.. but I really feels like a sucks… I can smile, I can laugh and I still can make people laugh.. but I felt empty inside me.. I know it is time for me to do something with myself..