Letter to Abah…

Ara Damansara,

4.45pm

Abah…

I’ve been thinking of u lately… why is it… mom said she keep dreaming of u.. owh I cant bear listening to her.. that bring grim lines to her face.. she missed u a lot.. we all do.. how could I let her go back alone.. she wont eat.. who would look after her..

Abah…

Do u remember.. we hired a maid a week before u go.. she ran away last Monday.. we left mom and her at home, and suddenly after zohor mom discovered that she’s gone.. run away just like that.. and she claim she suffered working with our family.. haihh.. now mom will be alone until we get replacement maid.. I know she upset for not staying in our home in hometown.. but I couldn’t let her stay there alone..

Abah…

There are so many thing… so so many… how Leesa keep asking to come back home and get u to the clinic.. how Ayeen occasionally calling your name.. not to mention, how badly I want u to be on my wedding..

I know that wouldn’t do.. we will hold to the facts that u will wait for us up there, in heaven we will meet again as a family.. till then we will live on with u in our heart.. we deeply missed u, Abah..

Al-Fatihah……

Yours Truly,
Adikk

Upset

What did u do when u upset?

Tell the one u love….. but at last it is U who make people upset..

So?

Keep it to yourself.

Wrote it in your blog and let anonymous read it..

xoxo

iNstagram~~

I found this quote today in Instagram #keepingitreal

I don’t have time to hate people

Who hate me

Because I’m too busy loving people

Who love me…

It is so true………………

Song of The Week

Tell me why are we.. so blind to see........

Funny yeah?............

Yesterday is a busy day for me… no lunch as well.. trying to meet the deadline make me rush in validating. Blaming myself for taking half a day just to check on one country.. but I had too. And it cause headache, frankly since morning till now it is still there.. I dunno how to make it ease (except panadol) but I made it! I meet the deadline. Haha.. right after, I rush for a meeting with fellow colleague and client.

Then only I laugh to myself when I come across this email from myBoo. He’s mocking me since last Raya. I didn’t know the exact ways to prepare nasi minyak. But he always had it on Raya while me and family never allowed nasi prepared on that day. But for my fiancée, yeah we did prepare… I did actually. I just dump in all the appropriate spices. Hehehe… but it turns out quite well. Just not as yellowish as normally. There myBoo mocking me (*sigh).

Here I share the email…

Resepi nasi minyak (*smile)

Bahan2:-

Beras Basmathi yang hidup
Minyak Sapi QBB bkn lembu QBB
Minyak Masak yg kena masak dulu kalau tak MASAK kau!!!!
Air Halia bkn utk buang angin
Bawang Kecil bkn besar punyeee!!!!
Bawang Putih kaler putih
Daun Pandan Jauh ke Tengah
Bunga Lawang
Bunga Cengkih bkn utk buat rokok daun
Buah Pelaga
Kulit Kayu Manis yg tak manis pun
Tairu (Air Limau + Susu Cair) bkn utk mabuk2
Garam Kasar
Air Mawar utk masak bkn utk orang mati
Hampas Halia bkn HAMPEHHH!!!
Air

Somehow it manages to get me laugh during the meeting. LOL!

p/s: the recipe above is accurate and exactly the ingredient to make nasi minyak but myBoo’s friend trying to make it out as a joke.. I should try it at home..

Lost…

Ok.. few entry will bring unpleasant feelings but I ought to share it.. I must let it go from my heart.. I cant keep it anymore, it is killing me..

Today, 50 days went by since u left us… u left mum trembling through her heart.. facing her day without u.. u left us without a word.. u left the kids wondering whereabouts u.. it is something we knew by heart that u will be leaving us.. the day 11^th July 2012 when I took u from the hospital, I knew it. By all mean the doctor had the word with me. And I am the one who signed the letter.. release letter from the hospital… we bring to homey.. and after 20 days, u left us.

I will always remember that morning, Wednesday 1^st August 2012.. it is fasting month.. as usual on 430am, me, mum, sis and our new maid, it is her 7^th day staying with us to help mum with the housechores, wakes up for sahur. It is normal for u to not sleeping at night, we heard u saying something, when I drop in your room, u just looked at me without word. U remember I didn’t go to work on Monday.. I fall sick throughout fasting month. But on Monday I didn’t really sick u know.. it is just me feels like wanna sit around, at home. It is a feeling that I need to spend sometimes with u. 2 days after that, in the cold morning, u left us. I still can hear mum urge me from my sleep, heard her screaming when the paramedic confirming that u are gone.. and I had to be strong.. stronger than everyone else coz I know I need to.

Despite of everything… I am thankful and relief that u go in ease.. and u are not suffering anymore. I can’t bear to see u lying and full of pain. How u use to be strong and there u are, cant even raised your hand. Alhamdulillah… that day everything went out smooth. Praise to Allah. Thanks to everyone. Family, neighbors, villagers. Thanks to myBoo for being with me through it. Thank u dear.. it mean a lot to me and family.

I admit that I still crying at night now. I still can smell u in the house. I still can feels like u were the in the room, watching me. I can hear u asking me ‘adikk balik sorg?’ (am I coming back hometown alone), the normal 1^st question u will ask me when I get home.. I know u don’t. It is only my feelings. I thought I can always be strong like how I face it when u was away for about 10 years. But that’s different rite… at least that time around, we occasionally visits u. I knew u there, alive, talking to us. It is totally different now.

We had gone through this Syawal without u. we don’t take family photo as usual. We don’t take any photo at all. Mum is the most affected person. Of course. U are her everything. And she’s with u for the past 45 years. Through the dark.. through the brightest day.. we will get through all incoming days without u, at presence but we keep u in our heart. May your soul rest in peace Abah. We will visit u whenever we goes back to hometown. We will take a very good care of mum. We loves u…

Al-Fatihah for my late father, Abas bin Haji Mashor…

Ice Breaker

Months has passed since my last serious entry… due to some circumstances I was deserting my blog….

As per previous entry, I had left out from my job.. thank God I found new one as soon as the olds company shut down. God is helping me, especially in financial ways.. I’m really thankful for that.. or is that cause of I’m preparing for my wedding (yeah I talk bout it but never had anything confirmed yet.. nothing… and I am really depressed..).. people said God will make your life easier when u desired for a good thing.. what I really hope now; I hope there is a good thing.. that is what I wanted for this whole years.. and eventually it breaks my heart.. I hope someone understand my feelings… all this.. I’m not trying to push, but it is only me who hoping…. Is it only me to changed and I did and I never ever stop to be how u want me to be.. nothing to be proud eh…

Hurmm… how I wanted to wrote about my life path, what has happened to me lately.. but I really feels like a sucks… I can smile, I can laugh and I still can make people laugh.. but I felt empty inside me.. I know it is time for me to do something with myself..

Heart - Hard....

When someone isn't have the faith for you...........
When someone isn't just into you anymore.........
When someone might have others in their heart....
You are just like leftovers from last nite dinner... hopeless.... and helpless...

A Little Wishlist....

I woke up this morning, despite of the stomach pain I had, from my house driving all the way to office, a journey of an hour was filled with my thought of San Francisco and NYC. Yes it is right. I fall in love with the place. And as a determination, I wish I could spend my retirement there, in SF, specifically Sausalito. (Yeah it is the place after England and Australia).

I find it calming. The scenery was beyond great. Plant and sea is my thing. Kinda boring for some people, but I’m looking at somewhere calming to retreat. How I wish I could visit there sometimes sooner.

Ok girl, saving up! You got places to visit.

There.. there... isn't it easy to fall in love with this

Heart Burst - Part II

ahhh.... so long frens... so many stories in between... bitter sweet... a lot bitterness.. hehe.. but still have the sweetness...

At this moment, all I need to do is cuddling into a ball n never woke up again.....

Why at the moment I breath out my joys that I have been waiting like ages, then there comes the storm as well.. can't I be happy longer and enjoy the feelings... hurmm... patience is highly needed.. but I felt like thrown from a building.. very very down....